no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
