I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Randomize
