She is in my trunk
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I am mentally ready for anal.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
