Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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