Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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