He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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