Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
