Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
