I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
