i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
