I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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