i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
