My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
