i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
