I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
