wakey wakey hands off snakey
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
