At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
