I'm eating all of the evidence.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize