i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
