I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
someone owes me an orgasm
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
