you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
