btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
