I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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