So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Randomize
