I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
