I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize