I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
