help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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