How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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