At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
