I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
