her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
