i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
