Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
