She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
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