Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
