trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize