I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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