I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
His nipple licking is glorious
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