HIV tests are more positive than that guy
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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