someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
