Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize