Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm like, not good at living.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
