I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
