brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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