I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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