I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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