My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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