Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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