You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Randomize
