i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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