She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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