your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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