There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
