If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Randomize
