Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
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