I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
