Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
