i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
