Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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