I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
