I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
