I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
