We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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