Whatcha textin bout Willis?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
