We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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