I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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