he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
