i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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