so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
