My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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