Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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