you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
