when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
