Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
