gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
