What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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