I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just gift wrapped bread.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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