i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
