he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
My bed smells like the plague
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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