feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
