Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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