she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
