I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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