Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
