What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
