They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I still have a little drunk in my system
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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