he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
