is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
