His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
