Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
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