So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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