she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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