I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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