If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
my shit smells like andre
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
