The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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