dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
